mendekati tarikh2 keramat exams

hiush...poning den...trial dah dekat, well this monday and tuesday....
aku pon dah x tau apa nak jadi....
ok..sekarang masuk mode membebel and merapu tahap xingat:
alkisahnye apa bila terdapat individu tersebut making 1001 bila kami ajak klua...mcm2 busy laa...ap laa...tapi x sampai sejam lpas tu ada yang ajak kelua ok je agreed....aku rasa nak lempang je..agak2 kalau x nk tengok muka kami ni cakap je la....xpayah laa nak bagi alasan bagai...kita rapat kot...apehal kau jadi cmni tetibe???
ntah aku malas laa nak ambik hal..dah puas aku nangis ke terasa ke...langsung kau x ambik hal so watpa aku nak ambik hal kan???xpe la support je la
lantak laa asalkan kau tau kewujudan aku as kawan kau forever......manusia berubah *sigh...
and another thing aku rasa cam orang sekeliling aku ni ad smbnyikan something...and i dont know what....tapi x kesah laa...xguna peningkan diri dengan benda cmtu...buat math lagi bagus.....^_^

and today aku cm tersedar balik dari kesedihan dan rasa kecewa yang panjang....*ececech....thanks to my chem lect, miss saras for saying the quote that i used to use....

"do something that u like and have fun..don't stress yourself with something that u dont like and something that is not important...."

 love u miss saras,,*all the sudden......
but really, i kinda lost these two months.....and now i am back...and i know what i want.....

you know what? every time you're happy and feeling great, a problem or challenge will come to you....
*sigh again..
i am seriously hate that kind of condition..but thanks to drops of H2O from those two eyes, i gained my confident again....and i know what i should do...just stand tall and believe in what you do and also be confidence in what you have....don't let go things that you don't wanna to....it will hurt damn much after you let it go....'

so today's lesson:

'BE YOURSELF AND FIND YOURSELF...THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK AS IT MAY HURT OTHERS, JUST IGNORE ALL OF THE PEOPLE THAT CAUSING YOU HEADACHE AND JUST GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND THE MOST IMPORTANT, DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND HAVE FUN.....'

here i am...here i am

'Worse things in the world is to make decision between two person.....'
simple sentence but really do hurtful...

looking for the stars.....

i am looking for the stars...well i am not seeing one of them yet, just a grey and dark cloud on the sky....maybe if i look hard enough i will someday see them and they will shower me with their star-light.....
oh please...dont take and digest the above paragraph easily..."stars" are not actually the stars,but it refers to my future and my grades in examinations....i hope to see the bright grade and also the bright future and i believe i will....one fine day...*hoping
for days and actually almost a week i am not really having the right sleeping time and i feel my life are upside down, having all sort of emotions disorders and also depressed a little...those are all due to the tests and also the assignments...
i kinda feel useless as i studied so hard for the exam according to the material our teacher provide to us and also the past years questions BUT the real exam (test actually) was none of that and its like a new advance kinda questions...it was damn hard...i felt like punching the lecturer on her face...hahahhaa...but i would not do that......( i am a nice girl )....>_^
sebenrnya kan...aku tau je nak jawab soalan2 tu acane tapi faktor masa dan jugak nervous and panic attack tu kan aku jadi blurr...hahahha....enough about the study thingy....

 well hidup aku? everything is okay...like really ok...last two days dapat cousin baru..nama dye orked naurah...baby girl..baby lagi dah nampak lawa dye...untung laa lawa kan?hahahha..(*ngan baby pn nak jeles)...hidup aku dah ok sikit...well ok la...
tapi kan gosip2 liar ni susah laa nak padamkan.... ntah pape je kan diorang ni buat spekulasi....*sabo je la...
tapi kan aku pon rasa cm xde masa sangat utk diri sendiri....and aku pon BENGANG gile coz elaun utk bulan ni msok half je...dah laa awal bulan tu banyak barang nak beli kan?? dah tu skarang pon aku dah jadi pape kedane.....sob3!!!....
bile la nak masok half lagi...makan pon dah cm catu ni..hahahahahah....
aku ada blajar benda baru...
"the things that we like are maybe not the best thing and also it maybe wrong...do the right thing even if you are not really into it because the right thing is better than what you like"...
aku pon belajar yang aku kna pandai manage diri aku...
it will never be to late to learn and change yourself into something better....

pasang lagu kuat2.....and shut up

hahhaahha...cm depressed gile je kan tajuk entry aku...well not really...just miss updating my blog soo damn much...lama kot x membebel dalam ni...maaf kalau merapu bagai dan x ikot timeline and flow yang sepatutnya....

the cool things are...next week, i'll date with math and chemistry test...huish...math tu satu hal....kire rate laa, decay laa....adoyai...suka betol soh aku kira2 ni....yang si chemist lak suka je soh aku un-mix the solution yang diorang dah campur gaul and sebatikan...*hahhaha...kondem habis...
aku ok lagi laa walaupun agak merapu dalam chemist tu...tapi..bila masuk tang organic chemistry..huish..bahangnya terasa....*not bad (muka troll)

earlier of this week aku rasa cm aku ni zombie..hahhaha..klaka pon ade gak..tidur pon entah ye entah tak je...letih gile...dan aku dah masuk sikit laa fasa recovery aku yang org lain slalu cakap pelik...ye la kan bila da cakap sengsorang, makan megi tengah court badminton...heheheh....at least aku dah recover kan....well everyone ada unik way for one's self kan

recently...aku x tau ap fav activity aku...kecelaruan hidup berlaku...
for certain time kan, aku rasa gak cm aku ni menyibuk je dalam hidup sesiapa..*tiada individu tertentu ye...
ntah..aku still x jumpa apa yang aku cari dalam hidup ni..means my speciality that's make my life fun..
as manusia, kita selalu rasa kurang kan...hehhehe..*ok nak mula merapu bagai..
aku pon rasa cmtu...hari tu pun aku down mainly sebab benda alah ni..tapi kan setelah sesi 'berdialog' dengan diri sendiri kan.. aku dapat la few conclusion...well...apa lagi yang aku nak kan...aku ada family yang really variety in characters walaupun xda abah lagi..that's enough...aku ade kawan2 yang ntah pape, buat aku gelak...marah..geram and segalanya...aku ada gak sesape je yang sesuka hati aku panggil kakak laa ape laa kan...aku pon ada gak someone, some-two, some-three..(*malas daa nak membilang...) yang always support aku and care for aku....*tq...^_^...hape lagi aku nak kan?
mmg laa nak improve to something(eh? opps someone) better la kan..tu mmg opkos...tapi cik Addiana Rashidah Azman..please bersyukur ngan apa yang awak ade ye....jangan nak menggedik nak advance2...step by step ye..kalau awak tak berusaha mimpi je laa nak berjaya...(sesi bercakap sengsorang bermula...hahha)
i am changing that someone now to be better...to improve sort-of....and just now, he's wearing something that out of the usual 'him' and that sure did a huge thing...he looked nice and just cool...*smiling in secrecy...hahhahahha

*to myself....i'll be fine...just be who you are...
*to friends....good luck in everything and just smile..
*to that particular person...thank you and just wanna you to know that i am so bersyukur of everything that happens......