time passes...still remembering you

16th feb of 2010 until today, 16th feb 2014......
it has been 4 years.....

abah,
i do miss you soo much....
i cant even describe that...
you know how i wish you were here
guiding me, give me love....

abah,
i know that this is the best for all of us
i know that this is the best from Him
i do believe that if you are still here
maybe something else would happen
and it maybe something that hurt you the most

abah,
i know, my love for you is massive
but i do realize that His loves you the most
i know you are in the good hand of His
i know that you dont want me to be sad

abah,
i just hope you can witness all of these
my SPM result taking day,
my foundation graduation moment,
my degree registration moment....
and all of the future moments....

abah,
i do miss you the most
i do know that you will be proud of me
i do know that you'll be hugging me on those moments
i do saw your smile in my heart....

abah,
i just want u to know
i am sorry those wrongs i've done
i miss you so much
i will be my best in everything
and i will make you proud...

abah,
i can accept your gone now
but the pain is still inside somehow...
it has been 4 years..i still remember u every moments
i know you have been watching me...
and i just wanna to tell u...
YOU ARE MY HERO, MY IDOL...
i love u abah....
rest...hope to meet u there someday...
Insyallah

Al-fatihah,
my hero,
Azman bin Muda@Manan
16/8/1965-16/02/2010


with love and my all,
your daughter

wondering.. WHAT IF???

i kept wondering about my future...

what if,
i cant do well in exam?
i cant cope well
i cant perform well
i cant get what i want in life
i cant move on
i cant hold on

what if,
i cant take another step
i cant see my future
i cant fight anymore
i stuck in the moment
i stuck in the memories
im scared to move further

what if,
i lost what i have now
i sick of myself
i started to give up
i started to look back
i stopped my progress
i stay here


what if
im too stressed up
i cant stand up again
im depressed
i cant find the light
i lost my supports
i lost my life

and what if i just stop this "what if game"?
and just start looking forward
accept things with smiles
keep moving forward
never regret and look back?
just hope for the best
why??
coz i have HIM by my side no matter what