seperti sedia kala

okay...to start....i feel worst.........
now i know that i am not the most important but its okay....yeah...its okay...but its HURT.....
and now i know that everything i do, i try so hard to keep u comfort and to make you okay...it never work....yeah...NEVER!!
and just now, the teacher just giving me a warning about my health and bla..blaa..blaaaa.............
i feel like vanishing myself for  a while...
its okay.....i'll be patient....i'll make this as a practice field for me to gain control of my emotion..but it hurt so much ( and why the songs are getting more sad??)...........
im okay...im okay...
i'll give u time to come back as u was before....
i'll wait for u my buddy....coz i will never give p and lose u...
i'll go if u say so and i will find a way to comfort u up....
i promise...

i am naughty

anyeong, assalamualaikum and salam sejahtera............

on this lovely morning ( anak dara yang tak reti2 nak tidur) i wanna talk or tell u guys about a kind of happiness or kebahagiaan for me.....
well, im off to my hometown last weekend which was few days ago....and i was feeling some kind of guilty because i cannot bring my two buddy along with me.....just a normal going back to home kinda weekend....just do nothing, went back to village, went to a wedding ceremony ( of someone that is related to my mom's best friend which is not related to us at all)...and the most important was i had a fever, the minor one, thank God......
and days  passed by so quickly, i finally went back to where i am now, Segambut......
so, before i went home, i faced a problem, well a serious one....i had to make a decision to give up and leave my buddy or just hanging on and faced the problem.....i almost let my buddy go but then i re-think 'should i leave him???why should i sacrifice for her one of my most beloved person when she is not even close with me at all??"......so i stayed i dilemma for days.....
something made me changed my decision to leave him....just few hours without me around, he posted on facebook saying he felt lonely without me...i just read that post and think...'this is only few hours, and what will happen to him if i leave him forever....??"

and now, i made a decision that may make some of the people think that i am selfish...i wanna stay with him and him ( well with them) as long as they need me....and it is not easy to find someone that truly know u and understand and accept you the way you are....

  and tonight (well actually till it was almost dawn) i bullied my buddy,,,,,
hahhahah i was mean....actually it is just because i missed him so much...and i am also miss the other as the same but i know he is facing problems right now, so i am not disturbing him tonight....just by one look in his face( the one that he says cute) i knew he is facing a huge battle in his heart.....it's okay my buddy  (i think i should put numbers on them, iam also confused)...
take your time, i'll be here with the other one to support u...... *am i sweet or what??

back to the story: i brought lekors, satar, otak2 and bubur lambuk fresh from my hometown for them and others.....and then the buddy ( i found an idea to differentiate them : buddy and Y'buddy-the younger one) asked me to go to our favorite spot( all three of us)....he just wanna time with me....well i knew he missed me as well....*making faces
the Y'buddy went downstairs first because of the 'thing' that makes his heart hurt was there too....its okay....

and then, at 1.30 am he told me that he was sleepy at that time but i just being ignorance.....then at 2.30 am, he is super sleepy, begging me to go to my room so that he could go to his room and sleep...but i refused...( just wanna be naughty)......i knew that he will be there, accompanying me until i go to my room, he'll never leave me alone....that's why im being like that...
i kept talking and hitting him with an empty water bottle so that he stayed awake....( i cannot sleep actually, until now).........at 4.30 am, i felt pity with him so i just went down and asked him to go to sleep...am i evil or what??? #mwahahhaa!!!!........i just want more time..hehehhe.....*innocent face
but A VERY, DEEPLY THANKS TO HIM FOR BEING THERE FOR ME EVEN WHEN I AM BEING RIDICULOUS......YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND (*AND Y'BUDDY ALSO)

 #p/s : i cannot sleep

perlu kah?

i faced a really hard time now..im having a fever, my migraine comes back and also a huge question mark on my face......
do i have to let my buddy go to satisfy her???do i have to sacrifice that bad just for her?
why can i keep my best buddy till Jannah???
there are so much pain inside me...i have no more tears to cry... i don't know what to do so i just take a simple solution is that to leave my buddy, the one that really understand me and accept me the way i am...but i am afraid that i could not bear the pain...
in my life, i always lose someone that understand me, my daddy, my best friends.....
usually my best friends will be taken by someone else....so im a lonely girl...im trying to think about my own self, my own happiness but i cannot see others pain and their tears...so i always give up in this life...so many give ups until i lost the the confidence in myself....i feel afraid to talk to strangers and even to talk sometimes because i am afraid i may hurt others....i never  think of myself, my own feeling....always about others...
now i think to sacrifice my happiness again to that girl....the girl that doesn't even talk to me...
i dont want my buddy to feel uneasy because of me and that girl....am i doing the right decision???
im afraid of losing him so i think it is better if i left him before he leaves me...
yesterday, he was begging me not to do so as i told him about my decision to leave him...
it will be hard for us but i think it is better....
i dont really know what am i thinking right now...and why do i think about that girl happiness so much instead of mine....
i dont wanna lose my buddy...but what should i do??
the environment always force me to do this kind of thing, leaving my buddy and so on....im sick of it all....can i just have a happy life???just a normal an uncomplicated life???
i really do love my buddy so much because he's like a brother, a buddy and also an enemy to me...
i dont know what to do now.....
please help me and please leave me problems.....please.....
im bagging you....
#i am sick because of these problems....

kamsahamnida!!!

today was a lovely day.....first of all a very special thanks for senior Echa for the best moments.....heheheh....

* this is senior Echa

we started our day with a game, a kinda crazy but really fun one....picking up names, action, verb or noun and another name picked randomly and lastly a name of a place.....it's funny.....and we laughed like crazy as the weird combination came out...

and then we played the "alih kan batu kecil game" or what so ever it called......

at 10.30, we started our journey to the Islamic museum and also the National Mosque.......and the Curve...hehhehe

along the journey, we were given missions to complete, like taking picture with smiling baby, with the old folks with peace sign and so on....the missions were weird and funny but we really enjoyed doing them.....

 * model of the Islamic museum

 * me, kakak meera and the hot sentap eton..hahha

 * merdeka!!!!

*a really beautiful and old al-Quran

people always say that happiness may not last for a long time and i think its true....sob3...i lost my watch that had been given by my aunty last year....so sad.....in the surau.....i dont understand why she ( as the female surau) took my watch....so sad....

#feeling much better now....

i found this pic somewhere in the files in my lappy....i think musa took it at suria KLCC....

*it looks weird....hehehhehe, without musa

i wanna sleep and try to forget my lost watch....sob3....and now im feeling uneasy of something, also a little bit of mad since this evening and also a kind of disappointing feeling...

#hope tomorrow will be better \(*_*)/

a little late.....=)

hey guys....a very nice day....just wanna share few pics that i found cute and full of meaning in my life.....

* at the Piala Reka cipta consert....

 *makeweekend??hahahha bila terasa boring

* i don't know what was wrong with me making that kind of face....weird 0_o

and tomorrow, i'll be going to the A'famosa waterpark with my group mates but the sad thing is that there will be only two of us, me and musa only as munir is in another group, going to the Genting...sob3....puing2*making cute faces....hahhaha

it would not be the same as the trio (me, musa, nad munir) are not together...

#hopping for the miracle....ececech......i want three of us together to the travel-fun kind of activity!!!!

rutin.....

a new monday....<3.......=)
im not so exited actually because i know this new week will be just like the others previous week.....filled with classes and rapid typing.....it is kinda boring so that's why when it comes to weekend, i just enjoy myself like crazy...hahhaha weird but that's how i live.......
now, iam wondering what kind of presentation it'll be.... thrilling....hahahha.....
*actually im not so wondering.....hehhehe
last night, me and the two dudes just playing a prank on this lovely girl, amalina rosli...hahahha
she's dizzy of course because of us....well, we just chat with her on fb at the same time....kasian anak itu....but fun....hehhe...she's a little bit of crazy and cool.....

so i just wanna share a song that i love...i hear it everytime....

Lirik Lagu Kembali – Akim/Stacy

Hati ini kan terasa sepi
Tanpa senyuman indah yang meruntumkan jiwa
Jadi kelam dunia bila kau menjauh

Bukan cinta membahagiakan
Hanya keihklasan di dalam hati mu
Untuk merasakan ikatan hati kita

Ku ingin kau berada disisi ku
Dalam waktu sukar atau bahagia
Oh cinta panjatkanlah pinta hamba ini

Cinta kau berikanlah kekuatan
untuk meniti cubaan dari mu
Semoga hari kami kembali menyinari
Jalan ini

Ku ingin kau berada disisi ku
Dalam waktu sukar atau bahagia
Oh cinta panjatkanlah pinta hamba ini

Cinta berikanlah kekuatan
Untuk meniti cubaan dari mu
Semoga hari kami kembali menyinari jalan ini


#a very nice n touching song, just the way i like it

merapu bin mengarut.....

a nice day.......but it turned worst for me as my memory makes me remembering something that i don't wanna to remember...
at first, me and the two dudes are on our way to suria KLCC, just to eat the mee wantan....hehhehe just another crazy work and idea of us....but seriously, mee wantan there is really delicious....sampai menjilat chopstick....hahhahaha
and then just being crazy, wondering around the place.....and the best part, the KINOKUNIYA book store.....i bought two new comic books....i just love comics and novels, because they always get the happy ending in their love story, not like in the real life....*kenapa jiwang tetibe nie??
'bertahun lama, aku pun derita sendiri...bertingkah sedih dengan sepi, apa mungkin nasib ku begini'-ilham dimatamu by milla
lama tak dengar that song
back to the story..... just had another fun and free day at first but then.....on our way back to where we are now, at KTM Segambut to be more specific, i saw a bag, the exact same bag as 'he' used to wear.....
just in split of a second, i remembered him,,the story of years ago.....my mind suddenly felt empty and my heart just felt really heavy...
i was about to cry because of the memory but i won't let my tears scroll down to my cheek....im not that weak.....
'tak mungkin kerana sayang, cuma terkadang aku terbayang'.....
yeah, that's all...but i dont know....maybe because i kept the pain caused by him for so long from anyone.....i never shared the pain....he just remained inside me somehow.....
i dont know why iam instantly looking for him as i saw the bag...what a silly me....nan babo!!!
im stupid at that time....
*dear my memory....do delete all of the folders of him during our period of together out of my mind forever....



Kau melihat dirikuSeperti sesuatuYang mencabar dirimu,Akal dan mindamuKau mendustaikuKau bilang mereka tak tahuSiapa dirikuSedangkan kau juga begitu
Segala kata cacianYang telah engkau berikanMembuatku rasa
Kosong 2x
Setiap detik diperhatikanKau cari cara putar belitkanKau jadikan diriku
Kosong 2x
Kini aku bangkitMembuktikan yang ku tak sakitDengan segala perit yang kau berikanKini aku pantas berjalanBergerak ke hadapanDan akan ku buktikanSiapa diriku yang sebenar
Kosong .. kosong..Segala kata cacianYang telah engkau berikanMembuatku rasa
kosong.. kosong..
Setiap detik diperhatikanKau cari cara putar belitkanKau jadikan diriku
Kosong 2x
Segala kata cacianYang telah engkau berikanMembuatku rasa
Kosong 2x

#kinda how i feel now

sebuah kelukaan di hati

Kau ada dikala ku suka
Dikala ku duka
setiap tangisan dan juga ketawa
Kau ada dikala ku perlu
setia menemaniku
Pegang erat tanganku bila aku jatuh

Kau lah yang selalu
Selalu menemaniku
Mendengar kisah pahit manis
Hidup ku

Kau lah yang di situ
Setia menunggu ku
Kau lah yang satu
Menjadi sahabatku

Ku tahu ku kan selalu ada
Pada dirimu
Dan ku harap kau juga rasa begitu

Kau lah yang selalu
Selalu menemaniku
Mendengar kisah pahit manis
Hidup ku

Kau lah yang di situ
Setia menunggu ku
Kau lah yang satu
Menjadi sahabatku

Kau lah yang selalu
Selalu menemaniku
Mendengar kisah pahit manis
Hidup ku

Kau lah yang di situ
Setia menunggu ku
Kau lah yang satu
Menjadi sahabatku

Sahabatku.

*sahabat-najwa latif
kadang2 aku sangat rasa yang kawan2 yang aku ada sekarang just like pretend friend?? they only there with me when they need me....i am also need friend!! i need attention!! iam hurt..well my buddies? one of them is busy with his own personal and health problem, the another one, he just keep joking around....
talking about my best buddy...i felt like losing him more and more from day to day....i am missing him so much, means that the old him, the one i used to know....i hate seeing him in pain and sorrow....i wanna make things better for him...i tried so hard and i feel like he  didn't even care...i forced him to go to clinic for days, he stayed stubborn....i tried so hard....im doing my best but it do not work at all...and just one phone call from the "orang rumah" he went to the clinic...he told me that he need to go because in the past he had made her go to the clinic...dude? you forced me to take my medicine, go to clinic and even hospital for times but when i asked you to go?...you ignored me and just smile saying you're okay...dude? am i that worthless as friend?
iam deeply hurt by your action...you kept saying that u feel sad because of her action...i can see that you're affected by her...im here for you man, well to keep you happy and stay strong with all the challenges in your life..im your friend...but you're seemed like you can see me here, trying my best to help you...i even got my migraine because of you...all of the things...
am i that worthless??? am i a bad friend when i just wanna help? i dont want to see u suffer by you're own...good friends share eveything, problems,hardship and of course happy time...
what do i have to do? im out of idea....i want to keep this friendship until we die...
just tell me am i not good enough to help you?dude, you made me cry hard in the inside but i won't show it to you.....
aku rndu sahabat aku.....smua sahabat aku....a true one....
aku taknak hilang kau...aku sayang persahabatan nie sangat2....aku pn sayang kau sangat2....aku dah x tau nak buat cmna lagi....aku da hilang semangat dan kepercayaan kat diri sendiri....aku rasa aku tak layak jadi sahabatkau...aku rasa tak diperlukan dan tak dihargai....aku terasa sangat2....kalau ngn adik musa tu aku no hal...tapi ngn kau...aku jadi takut....takut hilang...kau.....adik musa aku tahu dye akn slalu ada...kau tgah down n bermasalah sekarang...knapa susah sangat aku nak tolong kau? aku x sangup tgk kau sakit physical n mentally....
ya Allah, kau lindungi lah persahabatan kami bertiga....aku sayangkan mereka berdua sangat2...mereka salah satu daripada semanagat dan hidup aku....aku hanya insan yg lemah...bila berlaku perkara sebegini, aku semakin lemah....aku terasa lemah kerana tidak dapat membantu kawanku...aku berasa sangat sedih kerana hadirnya diriku ni umpama tidak memberi erti lagi....aku rasa gagal sebagai sahabat.....
mmg aku punya ramai kawan....kawan yang selalu datang dan pergi.....aku dah letih rasa sedih kehilangan dan perpisahan...aku dah bosan dibenci kawan2 dalam diam....aku da bosan dgn kepura2an sesetengah mereka.....kawan boleh berjuta tapi sahabat susah dicari......wlaupun aku punya berjuta kawan tapi sahabat yg benar2 memahami hnyalah beberapa orang....
aku mmg xnak hilang kau....dan yang lain...aku nie rapuh...aku perempuan yang rapuh...aku perlukan support untuk bangun....
#aku harap semuanya kesedihan ini akan  berlalu dari hidupmu sahabatku.....dan aku harap rasa sakit yang aku rasa nie akan hilang, diganti dengan kegembiraan sebuah persahabatan kita bertiga.....

hidup nie unik!!

aku currently sedih memikirkan nasib si kawan aku nie or more likely my buddy nie...ksian kot kat dye..sekarang nie its like a self battle for him..an inner battle that kills him slowly...his health is affected now.....he is vomiting since few days ago...his face pale....and seriously im worried about him so much...i realize that every time he is feeling stress he'll get sick....oh dear...im scared and worried....
please take care of your health....you know i hate seeing you keep all of the pain by your own self...im here...just cry if you want to...dont make yourself sick because of this....you're hurting yourself and its hurt me too as i do care about you...
you are my friend and i dont want to see you in pain...
please2......release yourself...get a new start.. i won't force you to share but i just want you to know that i'm always here for you,by your side (somehow)

boleh x????

in my life, im the kind of girl that holds everything to myself....im absorbing others problem and stress...
i always ask everyone around me if he or she is okay but to be honest i also need some one or they to ask me am i okay or not...no one really do that for me...that's one of the thing that make me feel like no one actually care about me.....
i don't know if it is just me or everyone i close with or the one that i'm comfortable with always be taken by someone else....am i bored or what??
i want a person that are there for me, taking care of me and i dont want him or her like forget me slowly.....im so afraid of losing the one that close with me, friends, family and everything.......
i have a bestfriend, he is like my brother, enemy and everything (except the thing that involved heart issue)...i am really close with him, we go anywhere together...back in the college, we had lunch together for almost everyday....i felt like i have found someone that will be my friend until i die...you know the kind of feeling that you're really comfortable with....well thing aren't sweet and shine forever....i know that all of his secrets and i know he like this one girl....
and then both of us went to some kind of program related to our scholarship and that girl is there too....at first yeah...its okay but i am also a girl....i started to have the left-alone feeling although physically he is by my side all the time but he kept talking and asking me about that girl...i am okay with it but its getting annoying and i feel like i am no longer important...he just like blinded by the girl....
he always text me saying or asking about her....he used to take care of me (like asking me about my meals, my health)- something that a very close friend would do but now, no more....i kinda miss the care from him and now i am facing a difficult time so i hope for the kind of situation where he is there for me to like pour out all of the problem that i kept hidden for month.....without that girl of course....
*i just need moments where he's there only for me.....it may sound selfish but that is the only thing i ask for.....pleaseeeeeeee................just really be there, not only the body but also the mind.....i need u my buddy