marriage

no! im not getting married anytime soon.. just that i feel kinda weirded out when few of my friends got married recently.. taking bout nightmare!!

im not against any marriage or even the idea of getting married, i'd love to have mine actually, but strictly not now..

i actually dont get the idea of getting married at this mere age.. yup, at this early 20's... i dont get that..like how do you know you are ready? how do you be so sure that he's the one? those kind of questions bother me a lot recently..

its not that Im against love.. I just dont get it yet.. maybe its my mind or maybe im totally out of league for marriage (most probably)... the word 'getting married' is kinda freak me out honestly..

maybe because i have more things or more goals that i wanna achieve in life.. i never picture myself achieving goals with anyone, so that's that...  responsibilities... I have tons of those, as the eldest I need to make sure my brothers can live a comfortable life, better than the one i had..

maybe because of my priority..  my brothers are on the top, my whole family... my goals are also on the top of the list.. somehow i came to a mindset that marriage is just an extra bonus in life...what the hell i've became???

or just simply because i haven't found the one or the one has yet become the one.. got what i mean? like the guy is already here but he yet become the one for me..well the possibilies are endless..

or maybe my heart still closed shut due to the past memories or past lingering love? but seriously i dont think so..

or the next likely explaination is that im just simply not interested in this topic..hahahha... well, i dont have any flustered heart, the butterflies and stuff are not here yet... seing some couples sometime annoys me.. lol..

there's no urge to settle down for now, and maybe for a couple more years..but hey, who knows? (but seriously nope)...

anyways, congrats to those who got married or will be married soon... but seriously i dont understand you guys..hahahhahah... my bad

# this is just me vomitting out my mind...