the swaying heart

people says that women's heart is like an ocean
i do agreed
like even for myself,  like 80% of the time i dont even understand what i want..the easiest example, i dont even know what to eat for lunch...lol

okay, enough of silly talk...
you know when you're in relationship, you know that you like,love and need the other person, like your partner, but there's time when you start questioning yourself..do you even love him? do you even like him? is he for you? does he deserves the plain you?

for me personally, i did that, especially when im alone, i started to overthink, overly doubting everything... the bad thing is that its slowly killing your relationship and you dont even realizing it happening...all of those insecurity just like stuck to your head and slowly building up, destroying your confident and your freedom in love...

i personally experienced this, its driving us apart slowly...
i became irritated, increasing the gap between us and i was like going to my own cave... i hated him but actually i hated myself, i just put all the blame to him....whatever he did was all wrong and i feel like drowning in this relationship...
he realized that, the hard way, as i became so mean, so annoying and so all over the place...
at that time, i know i needed him, i love him...but all of those buried deep down, and ego, self-centered,selfishness risen...

out of nowhere, i realized something is wrong somewhere...i still cannot pin-point what was it...i was just tidying up my study desk when i found a picture of us 2 years back...basically i just sit and flashing all of our memories...i realized that somehow i dont feel happy anymore....i called him and tell him everything i felt, everything  that i've gone through and why we be like this...basically, i kept everything inside for so long that all of those negative stuff till to the point where im dying inside....

we manage to rescue what we have, and i realize just a split second before it was too late....

when we are dealing with this swaying heart, or insecurity in general, the best way is just to sit, take a step back and think...talk it out with friends or family...it will help you a lot...
just remember, the more insecurities and the longer  you kept it to yourself, the worst it will be....
i learned it the hard way...